I love that God chooses to use the broken things of the earth to display His glory. Let me explain further my love for this certain part of God’s character. Scripture tells us so often through parables and miraculous healings that God takes broken, unfit, and inadequate people and lets His power and love flow through them. It’s as if He is making a statement about His kingdom and the way that it works. Those who “have it all together” and are “religious” are so full of their “righteousness” that they have quickly forgotten their desperate need for God’s love and grace. It’s those who are empty that are able to be filled and used.
I am empty. So empty actually. I’ve tried for weeks to “fill myself” and I’ve fallen so short. I have tried to do things that restore my body and my spirit, but I still come up empty. I avoid people because I feel that everyone wants to take from me. They want to take my time, my engery, my thoughts, my love, my prayers, my advice, my giftings, they just want to take. And I have nothing to give. At least that’s what I thought.
Yesterday, I laid in my bed most of the day because God has allowed my body to become empty. I am sick. I’ve got some nasty virus that’s spread to every part of my body. It’s been kinda rough. I finally went to the doctor today and he basically says that I have to let it be and let my body fight it off. I kinda have to smirk and think that God really wants me to learn something here.
I was reading last night in my “Celebration of Discipline” book (must read it!) about being empty and dry. Richard Foster says “When we despair of gaining inner transformation through human powers of will and determination, we are open to a wonderful realization: inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received.” I think I struggle with letting go. Just letting go of trying to be righteous and trying to be filled. I want to know exactly how much is going to be asked or required of me before I start giving myself away. That’s not how God works though. It’s Him within me that is being poured out. And when I am empty it’s obvious that anything within me is coming from Him. It’s a reminder to me that I am nothing apart from God. It’s like John 15 with the vine and the branches.
Although I didn’t feel well at all and I felt that I had nothing in me to give, God allowed me to be used last night. It was simple and nothing huge. But He was showing me that He gives me just enough as just the right time. I was about to go to bed. I felt bad and all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and try to sleep my sickness off. There are two girls staying at our leader house who have pink eye. I just felt that I needed to check on them and pray for them before I went to bed. So I did and it was such a sweet time. And God poured into me as I poured into them. Here I thought that I had absolutely nothing…and I didn’t but He gave me enough at just the right time. I’m grateful to be used. And now I’m grateful to be empty.
On another note, I want to share a little about our house visiting teams. They are rockstars! Truly they are amazing. They have been so bold and have blessed me a ton. They are still finding their place in the townships amoungst several families. Already I can tell that they will experience amazing things while they are here. A lady named Evelynn lives next door to Noma. And Noma asked us to go and pray over Evelynn because she had a stoke soon after I came home for the summer. So all of us gathered in a small bedroom around a small bed where Evelynn laid. We placed our hands on her body and prayed a blessing for her. We prayed Psalm 23 over her and sang songs around her. She laid there and looked at us. She mumbled long sentences to us, but we were unable to understand anything she was verbally saying due to her stroke. But it was obvious that she was expressing her gratitude.
I am so proud of our team for boldly going into that situation on one of their first days in ministry. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal to pray for a woman who had a stroke. But if you could have been there you would understand. She was lying in her bed and because she is unable to move, her bed is also used as a toilet. Some days she is placed out in the front room so she can look out the window, but most days she lays in her own waste in her bed. I can’t imagine the humiliation she must experience. But the joy she had on her face was incredible! She was thrilled to have so many young people standing in her very house praying for her. It was as if we were her grandchildren coming to spend the day with her. A few days later, her family told the team that she does so much better on the days that they come and pray for her. They have visited her as much as possible since then and are beginning to build relationships with Evelynn’s children and grandchildren. I’m very excited for our house visit teams!
Ways you can pray:
Against sickness on the team
Against sickness on the leadership team
For the Beat the Drum program next week in Sommerset East (more on this later)
For Evelynn and her sickness
Against bad attitudes and wrong motives
Against the spirit of loneliness
For unity
HE Provides,
Amber
